Thursday, 28 August 2014

Secret Service Boss Sacked for Spending Too Much Time Looking Out of Window

Is it a sacking, or a double-bluff, counter bluff, triple bluff? Nope. He's actually News Biscuit:

A senior manager at MI6 has been sacked for spending the majority of his working day standing looking out of the window in a wistful manner.

The man known only as ‘B’ is believed to have angered security chiefs by allowing vast amounts of important paperwork and emails to build up while the air in his office hung heavy with a vague feeling of regret and loss.

‘Last week I took him an important file,’ said an unnamed MI6 operative. ‘When I went into his office he was standing with his back to me looking out of the window as usual. I said ‘the top floor needs an answer on this in an hour sir’ and left the file on his desk. He just said ‘Well we mustn’t keep the top floor waiting must we?’.’

‘But when I returned an hour later he was still looking out the window and it was obvious that the file hadn’t been touched. When I pressed him for a reply he turned and gave me a withering look and said ‘Well, we don’t want another Prague on our hands do we?’ I thought this sounded awfully profound and clever but it turned out to be total bollocks and had no relevance to the issue at hand.’

In a statement, MI6 said; ‘After so many years of loyal service the sacking is regrettable but there is no place for outmoded working practices in the modern service. Standing looking of the window in a permanent state of melancholy may have helped us win the cold war but the threats that have emerged in recent years require a more modern approach, such as walking quickly down corridors while members of your team shout random pieces of information at you.’

It is understood that ‘B’ has retired to his house in the country to become a broken man and see out his days sitting in a chair staring into space while his upper class wife tends the garden.


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